A lot of people (one person) have presented curiosity towards the name of my blog. I think it’s self explanatory, but for those who don’t get it, should watch Moana.
Moana is about the most privileged and entitled girl in recent history. There is no struggle, no story, no development, and the main character undergoes no change in personality. This was one of the worst movies of 2016 that nobody complained about.
As I like to do with every movie, let’s analyse this thoroughly, scene-by-scene.
In just the opening minutes, the first thing that strikes is the spectacular animation. The movie is a myriad of contrasting greens, blues, and reds. The backdrop has more character to it than the “supposed” characters. The animation is beyond realistic in its execution, by which I mean that things wouldn’t look as good in real life. I could sing praises of the animators for four hundred years, and it still won’t do them justice, that’s how good the animation is. It is pixel-perfect. It is bright. It makes my heart happy.
Then, there’s everything else.
I won’t emphasize on the plot-holes of the opening monologue, because it is essentially, a legend. And legends deserve a pass for being inaccurate.
Let’s not even complain about the musical number that follows, and has lyrics as an explanation of the way the people of the island live their lives arranged in an order that makes them rhyme.
Let’s skip over the sorry excuse of a montage they have of Moana growing up and being torn between the sea and the island. On second thought, let’s pause here and appreciate the sole dilemma that Moana faces in the movie – should I stay or should I go.
Now, I’m not the one to complain about cliches. I can appreciate them, if they are done well. The dilemma here, is downright, bottom of the barrel, fifty year old scrap that Disney has utilized in EVERY movie. Let’s go through how some of them are resolved:
- Cinderella DECIDES to VISIT the ball.
- Ariel DECIDES to GO on land.
- Jasmine DECIDES to sneak OUT at night.
- Anna DECIDES to GO and talk to Elsa.
You see the pattern here?
Moana makes a decision, fair enough. The decision though, is to STAY ON THE ISLAND, contrary to what she wants. When she does “decide” to go on the adventure, it is in order to save the island and its people. She is forced to sail. She goes against her father’s wishes, but there wasn’t much of a choice here. Had she stayed, she’d have died.
She is FORCED to do the right thing, in contrast to the other characters mentioned above. The others could have taken the easy option. The choice was never forced on them. Moana didn’t make the hard choice. She took the easy option when she had the chance, and when she did to the hard work, it was because the island was dying. Had she sailed away secretly without the island dying, it would have been a much better indicator of how strong the attraction to sail is.
Let’s say you like reading. You have always wanted to read, but don’t because your strict mother doesn’t let you. You decide to give up on reading. Now, let’s say, one day you are forced to read a manual that stops the bomb to which you are strapped. Was it a hard decision? You always liked reading. Was saving your life in this scenario really “overcoming” your strict mother’s wishes? Of course not!
Moana, with the help of Oogway her grandmother, discovers that her ancestors were voyagers. Which has absolutely no effect on the plot whatsoever. This revelation doesn’t change her father’s pre-conceived notions about sailing. It is Moana’s success that does that at the end of the movie.
Then we have the most basic, downright sickening excuse for anyone to go on a journey. Ready?… Repeat after me… 3,2,1… YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE… Hurray!! Now buzz off.
Then comes the BIGGEST, and trust me when I say this, THE BIGGEST problem with the movie, and the entire concept of being the “Chosen One”. The freakin’ ocean… that’s right.. the entire ocean, is a friend to Moana. And not in a way that causes her to sail peacefully either. It literally carries her boat away from the island, and on DOZENS of occasions throws her back on the boat when she gets capsized.
The movie is so inconsistent with how it uses the ocean.
Is it supposed to get her on the boat if she FALLS? No, because the ocean carries her to her boat when Maui steals it.
Is it only supposed to carry her to the boat regardless of how far she is? No, because the ocean helps her overcome waves when she is escaping the island as well.
Is the ocean only meant to HELP her travel to where she wants to go? No, because the Ocean, becomes a Storm, and CARRIES her to her destination!
Okay… it’s worth taking a pause again, to explain what the movie is about. There is a gem that was stolen by Maui and it needs to be restored. The gem was taken away from Maui by the Ocean and Maui is stranded on an island. Moana needs to find Maui and help him restore the gem.
1. If the ocean has a consiousness, why doesn’t it carry the gem to the place of restoration itself?
The place of restoration is a cave, and the ocean can only carry it to the shore. That’s not entirely true, but let’s go with that excuse for now.
So Moana says to the ocean, “Take me to Maui”, and voila! She is on Maui’s island. I’m not joking. This happens in the movie. the ocean comes in the form of a storm and leaves the boat grounded ON MAUI’S FREAKING ISLAND. Where was the struggle? Surviving the storm? The storm WAS the ocean and it was helping her.
And Moana has the GALLS to get angry at the ocean! Actual dialogue from the movie – I said help me! And wrecking my boat?
The girl expects the ocean to carry her to Maui! The first sign of a challenge, and she CURSES the ocean! The damn Ocean! Why? Because only the ocean has done anything so far… She hasn’t had to do zilch. How much more entitled could you be when you feel the OCEAN owes you a safe journey in a movie about VOYAGING!! The Ocean literally has to point out that the island she is stranded on is Maui’s island. She needs confirmation when she sees Maui’s symbols scattered on the island. She doesn’t even have the brains to figure that out herself.
Then comes a moderately average musical number. Honestly, “How Far I’ll Go” is a much better song than “You’re Welcome”. Why did so many people feel the other way?
Now comes the FIRST OF ONLY THREE things where Moana actually does something, and that is escaping a cave.
Even when she falls into the ocean, the ocean carries her back to her boat. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?
Moana then finally confronts Maui and says the dialogue she had been practicing the entire journey, in about 4 attempts because Maui keeps throwing her off her boat. Now, the writers had a great opportunity here for Moana to use her wits or charm into Maui taking to her and for Moana to earn his respect. But, again, they took the easy way and instead, the stubborn Moana keeps insisting and reveals the gem to Maui in order for him to finally listen to her. Maui, though ends up throwing the gem in the ocean.
They explain that Maui feels the gem is cursed and must get rid of it. But Moana, though, feels the need to use her non-existent brain again, and announce to the world that she has the gem, attracting the attention of Coconut Pirates.
Action ensues where Maui helps Moana escape the pirates. Moana appeals to the part of Maui that wants to be a hero so that he could help her. This is what I wanted in the beginning. Why did this have to wait 20 minutes? Maui then helps Moana to reach the entrance to the realm of Monsters.
Let’s pause AGAIN and see where Disney was headed. Frozen and Zootopia are masterpieces of storytelling. They announced a change, and a new Disney. One that is not bogged down by cliches. One that does not have a Prince Charming. One where the character goes through a journey of finding one’s self. Where they stand up for what is right. The self-referential humor there WORKS, precisely because of that.
Moana undoes all that and sets Disney back further. Actual line from the movie : “I’m not a princess. I am the daughter of the chief.”
Maui : If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you’re a princess!
……… He’s right. Well Done Disney! Bravo!
The animal sidekick here, by the way, is a mindless chicken, and it is THE MOST POINTLESS CHARACTER IN DISNEY MOVIE HISTORY!
Back to the movie, and Moana comes on an island, which turns out to be her home island. At this point, you can start repeating the phrase “It’s a dream” every 2 seconds. Also, there is no point having this sequence here. She doesn’t even refer the dream again. Why not save this dream of her parents dying for the end of Act II, when the hero is on the edge of giving up? Why have it in the middle of a random scene in Act I?
Then there’s a pretty cool sequence in the Realm of Monsters with a giant crab, including the time Moana does the SECOND OF THREE THINGS in the movie. She covers a stone into bio-luminescent excreta and tricks the crab into thinking its the actual gem. Also, they escape using a random geyser in the Realm that happens to burst at precisely the right moment, instead of a clever way that doesn’t rely on chance. Also, the entire point of going into the realm was for Maui to get his magic Hook back from the crab.
Turns out, the magic of the Hook has gone, and Maui can’t shapeshift properly. Only for the power to come back after FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES … FIVE AND A HALF… 330 SECONDS!! THAT’S IT!! There isn’t even an action sequence. They just talk, Maui explains he has always had a Freudian complex for the appreciation of others, and he gets his powers back. Allow me to press caps lock again…
2. WHAT WAS THE FREAKIN’ POINT??
They finally reach their destination which is guarded by a giant Lava monster. To fight the monster, Maui uses his “newfound” capabilities and creates a diversion for Moana to find an opening and get across.
3. Why couldn’t the Ocean push her boat at this stage of the plot when she needed more speed?
So, they end up losing. Maui damages his Hook, which he is paranoid about losing, and abandons Moana.
Let’s take a final pause, and appreciate the depth of Maui’s character. He starts out as being an abandoned child, raised by the Gods. Due to abandonment issues, he is psychologically tuned to work for the affection of others. No amount of praise is enough for him, and he keeps pushing himself, to the brink of dying from a Lava monster! That is a cool story. And he is deeply fond of the Hook. He feels that it is the object that enables him to reach his means. So understandably, he is angry and paranoid about losing it. The movie would have been much better had it been about Maui’s journey, and some argue that it is… except for one teeny, tiny, bit… THE MOVIE IS CALLED MOANA. M-O-A-N-A!! Plus, one more thing, which we will get back to.
Moana is now abandoned and on the brink of quitting her quest. But Oogway her grandmother shows up and motivates her not to do so. Again, Moana doesn’t make her own mind. This is where I wanted the dream sequence to be. It would have been so much more effective HERE than anywhere else. More than anything, it would have motivated Moana to go on the final leg by her own accord, instead of magical grandmas.
And now the last thing Moana does on her own… She retrieves the gem that she threw in frustration when Maui left her.
4. Couldn’t the ocean get it back for her this time? Or did the ocean also abandon her in the short exchange they had?
Now, it turns out that the Ocean is super-effective against the Lava monster.
5. Why didn’t the Ocean just freeze the Monster in the first place? You see what I mean about inconsistency?
If the Ocean wasn’t going to help Moana out, at the crucial juncture of the movie, why did it float her to Maui’s island?
Moana goes alone to face the Lava monster, and tricks him, escaping to the island where the gem is to be restored. Okay, that counts as the Fourth thing she does, and I am too lazy to scroll up and make all the changes. Instead, I will use the Spanish Inquisition method and immediately say that there were three four things that Moana did in this movie.
Maui comes out of nowhere and sacrifices his magic hook to save Moana, completing his arc. Although it is never explained why he came back in the first place.
Moana makes it back to the island only to find that the Lava monster was the island. The loss of the gem turned the peaceful island into the monster. Moana orders the ocean to part and the ocean does so (again, inconsistency), and restores the island.
6. Why did the Lava Monster attack Moana and Maui if they were bringing the gem back?
She returns and everyone starts voyaging. End of story.
I have explained already how this movie takes Disney back to the 50s, making submissive women their protagonists, and making them do absolutely nothing throughout the length of the movie.
Moana ends up being exactly who she was at the beginning. The character’s upbeat nature is a thinly veiled attempt to portray her as someone like Anna. But, in truth, she is dumb-witted, moronic, stubborn, and although caring, doesn’t learn anything about the world around her. The journey doesn’t bring any change in her.
Only two people get affected… Her father, and Maui.
Let’s turn to Maui now, and the cliffhanger I left you on when I last talked about him.
Turns out, Maui; the one great character in the movie, one who so undeservedly becomes a “side-plot” and doesn’t even get the all-important change-in-heart-scene devoted to him; isn’t even needed to serve the plot.
I’m not talking about “Had he not been there, the gem would never have been stolen”. No. I’m saying that Moana could have just as easily gone and restored the gem herself.
The Ocean could have guided her all along the way, frozen the Lava monster. She would have realized who the monster is, and restored the heart. She travelled to Maui’s island without learning to navigate. Why did she need to learn navigation then?
The freakin’ hook constellation that pointed her towards Maui, was never used, because the OCEAN CARRIED HER THERE. She learned to navigate AFTER navigating to where she wanted to go! Maui didn’t do her any favors by teaching her to navigate, because it wasn’t needed. Maui was completely shoe-horned in.
People (one person) say to me, it’s a kids movie. Don’t analyze it… Let it go… To which I reply, this is the last movie that you should show an 8 year old. The feeling of entitlement that Moana has, the littlest struggle makes her whine, and the reward is simply handed to her on a plate. The movie makes it seem as if Moana was “chosen” to lead their civilisation to a greater good. Whereas reality is so much more than simply a threading of coincidence and chance.
The ocean will not help you, you will have to EARN the respect of Maui, saving a turtle doesn’t make you the chosen one. And it is harsh to say, but Not Everyone Can Be Special!
Compare Moana to Kubo, the best child character I saw last year, even though I wasn’t the biggest fan of the movie…
Kubo is the one who struggles. Kubo has to perform on streets to earn a square meal. He is blind in one eye. He has lost his father, and his mother is dying. He undergoes a journey of self-discovery and realizes that his family are the true armor that protect him, and their spirit will always keep him safe.
I don’t want Moana to be as heavy-hearted as Kubo and the Two Strings, but it doesn’t hold a grain of sand compared to the Sahara desert that is Kubo.
Imagine a story instead, where Moana grows up loving both the ocean, and her family. She secretly learns to navigate with her grandma when her father is busy presiding over the people.When the island starts dying, Moana takes it upon herself to bring back a cure, and despite her father’s wishes, chooses to take on the quest. This is just the first act, but already the movie is streets ahead of the one we actually got.
I am saddened by what Disney belched out after something as magnificent as Zootopia. Moana deserves a 35/100, and each and every point has been deservedly earned by every animator involved in this movie. I doubt there were really any writers at all for this movie. Let’s increase the score to 40/100 for Alessia Cara’s, Auli’i Cravalho and The Rock’s voice-overs and respective songs,but no more!
crunchybrick 